Paris Hilton’s Prison Diary
Day 1-5: (reported by inmates) Hysterical sobbing, accompanying by alternating cries of “Mom!,” “Why me?” and “I’m too hot to be in prison.”
Day 6-8: (reported by inmates) Sniveling, looking for mirrors. Found mirror, screamed at state of hair extensions/roots/pores, rushed back to cell and hid under scratchy blanket.
Day 9: (Paris’s own handwriting, spelling errors corrected) Seeing Nicki, Mom and Dad calmed me down. That, and the Valium.
Day 11: There’s a library with old copies of US Weekly from last year 2006. Happier times. Also, how come we all keep dating the same boys?
Day 12: I started thinking about what I should do when I get out. I meant what I said to Barbara, I need to be a better person. This has happened to teach me a lesson about growing up, taking responsibility and owning up to who I am. Instead of using my celebrity for freebies, I should think about helping other people. Like Angelina, except with dogs instead of kids. And she ended up with Brad while Jen’s with nobodies. So helping other people…ooooh, lunch. I hope it’s pizza again.
Day 15: My new cornrows are so hot. I thought that it might be a little too Federline but Tisha convinced me that I need a new post-prison look, like Martha Stewart. Also, the girls taught me how to hotwire a car (so helpful!) and I told them how to make your boobs seems ten times bigger. Then, we did a rap version of “Stars are Blind.” Remix!
Day 16: Today, the girls and I traded tips about self-defense because it doesn’t matter whether you’re from Compton or Beverly Hills, you have to know how to protect yourself from frenemies. They showed me how to cut someone with keys or a ring and I showed them how to cut a bitch down with a nasty look or mean comment about her outfit. I’m going to have them follow me like Gwen’s Harajuki chicks!
Day 19: I’m almost done with the world religions thing. I thought that I would find something that really spoke to who I want to be. Judaism is way too much work. I liked the idea of being Catholic – I have lots of crosses and confession sounds like fun (those little booths are just like Hyde’s VIP), but it seems like I’d be confessing every day, which would cut into “me time.” Buddhism sounds really cool and chanting’s kinda like singing but all that sitting…it’ll wrinkle my Dolces. I think I’m going to stick with what I’ve got.
Day 21: I’m glad that Lindsay’s out first because then everyone’ll want to compare us and they’ll look at that overtanned, drunk slut and me, looking all glowing and wiser, and people’ll realize that jail is way harder than Promises. I mean, I had to eat Wonderbread.
Day 23: I’m going in like 10 minutes. I really think this experience has totally changed me. I talked to people that I usually don’t even drive in their neighborhoods and I realized that they’re just like me, and that even though I am a Hilton, I’m also part of the universe and I need to be more…OMG, Stavros is here! I bet he totally wants to get back together. I need to check my hair.
This story was
stolen borrowed from
Crackpotpress.
Social Security
It does not matter if you personally like or dislike Bush. You need to sign
this petition and flood his e-mail box with e-mails that tell him that, even if
the House passes this bill, he needs to veto it. It is already impossible to
live on Social Security alone.
If the government
gives benefits to "illegal" aliens who have never contributed, where does that
leave those of us who have paid into Social Security all our working lives? As
stated below, the Senate voted this week to allow "illegal" aliens access to
Social Security benefits.
Attached is an
opportunity to sign a petition that requires citizenship for eligibility to that
social service.
Instructions are below.
If you don't forward the petition and just stop it, we will lose all these
names. If you do not want to sign it, please just forward it to everyone you
know.
Thank you!
To add your name, click on "forward" or better yet, "copy and paste" if you
know how. You will be able to add your name at the bottom of the list and then
forward it to your friends.
When the petition hits 500 / 1000 / 1500 ect, send it to
comments@whitehouse.govInstructions are below.
PETITION for President Bush:
Dear Mr. President:
We, the undersigned, protest the bill that the Senate voted upon
recently which would allow illegal aliens to access our Social Security.
We demand that you and all Congressional representatives require
citizenship as a prerequisite for social services in the United States .
We further demand that there not be any amnesty given to illegal immigrants, NO
free services, No funding, No payments to and for illegal immigrants.
We are fed up with the lack of action about this matter and are tired
of "paying" for services to illegal immigrants!
Instructions to sign are at the bottom.
501. Charlotte Clark , TN
502. A H. Clark, TN
503. Susan Koop. IN
504. Dennis Hites. Fl
505. Sandra Sexton , FL
506. Stanley B. Sexton, Fl
507. Louise sova Pa
508. Don Sova Pa
509. Jennifer Frazee Pa
510 Dee Frazee Pa
511. Lisa Stewart Pa
512 Jeff Stewart Pa
513. Wendy Mayo Pa
514 & 15 Mr. & Mrs Allen G. Wood Cerrito s , Ca.
516 L.B Strawn
517 Mary Strawn
518 Ann Tack
519 H. L. Williamson
520 Nancy Williamson
521 J H Arra
522 M A Arra
523 Susan Kent, Fountain Valley, CA
524. THOMAS KENT, FOUNTAIN VALLEY, CA
525. VICKI REDDING, PLACENTIA, CA
526. Pamela Thomas Saulls, Wetmore, KS
527. Anglo E.Saulls, Wetmore, KS
528. Jerry J. Thomas, Whiting, KS
529. brett lyon utah
530 Linda Moore Gardner, Ks.
531. Penny Bumgarner, Mo.
531. Jeff Bumgarner, Mo.
532. Joe Hess, Mo.
533. L.J. Lightle, Mo.
534. Jena Bernstein, Mo.
535. Evan Bernstein, Mo.
536. Janelle Ford
537 Aaron Ward, Mo.
538. Francine Medina, VA
539. Edward Medina, VA
540. Sylvia Harrison, TX
541. Jennifer Carson, GA
542. Steve Carson, GA
543. William Inman
544. Sylvia Inman&nbs p;
545. Ken Gillespie, GA
546. Annette Gillespie, GA
547.Carol Edwards
548.Valerie Dues, GA.
549. Della Thomas, GA
560. Melba L. Wallace, GA
561. Nancy Lewis, Va
562. Melvin Lewis, Va
563. Beverly Grigsby, AR
564.Lyn Keaster, AR
565 Kathy Gonten, AR
566 Kathy Smith PA
567 Terry Smith PA
568 Tristan Smith ND
569 NIcholas Smith PA
570 Colin Smith PA
571. Dwight Damschroder OH
572 L. Anatra Ohio
573. Paul A. Nickles OH.
574. Mary Ann Nickles OH.
575. Martha Rae Enold OH
576. Ernest T. Enold OH
577. Regina J. Mattox CO
578. Veronica Staron, WV
578. Donald E. Mattox CO
579. Stephen H. Yost
580. Ronald Johnson, Wheeling, W. Va.
581 Kenneth Burns,Wheeling,Wva.
582. Steven Derer, Pittsburgh, PA
583. Charles Town , Indianapolis, Indiana 584. Amber Brandt, Indianapolis,
Indiana
585 Becky Garrette Nashville, TN
586 Jackie Hammond Nashville, TN
587. Jeri Vincent-Nashville, TN
588 Gina Kresge, Nashville, TN.
589 Kathy Schrader, Knoxville, TN
590.. Sue Bragg, Louisville, TN
591. Tom Bragg, Louisville, TN
592.Ronald Watson, Spanish Fort AL.
593 BEVERLY COLEMAN, MOBILE, AL
594 Susan Baker, Chunchula, AL
595 Rita Darlene Hadley, Perdido, AL
596 Lydia Olivier, Cantonment FL
597 Michael Olivier, Cantonment FL
598 Levie Leyba, Pensacola, FL
599 Nicholas Leyba, Pensacola, FL
600. Lucy Leyba, Merrillville, IN
601. Robert Leyba, Merrillville, IN
602. Lisa Vanderbye, Whiting, IN
603. Linda Dull Pasadena Tx
604. John Dull Pasadena Tx
605. Bob Dull Pasadena Tx
606. Cynthia Vrla, Southmayd TX
607. Corey Vrla, Southmayd, TX
608. Mark Guynes,  Houston, TX
609. Jocelyn Guynes,  Houston, TX
610. Michael L. Sadler
611. Michael T. Sadler, Victoria, TX
612. Helen Seargeant, Brackettville, TX
613. Karen Bizzell, Lakehills, TX
614. Mary Bullard, Greenwich, NY
614. Art Bullard, Greenwich, NY
615 Don Campbell Norfolk, N.Y.
616 Winnie Campbell Norfolk, N.Y.
617&618 GEORGE & ARLENE HARRIS, NORFOLK, NY
619 Donna A. Woodcock, Norfolk, New York 620. Tina Winks, West Monroe, NY 621.
Joseph Winks, West Monroe, NY 622. Kristin Lyon, Brewerton, NY 623. Patrick
Wallace, Brewerton, NY 623. Lynn House, Clay, NY 624. Donald House, Clay, NY
625. Donna Marrocco, Rochester, NY 626. Paul Larobardiere, Phoenix New York 627.
Bob Cook, Fulton, NY 628. Debbie Hall, Fulton, NY
629 Dick Colvin
630. Phillip Eno, Martville, NY
631. Elaine Eno, Martville, NY
632. John Perry Baldwinsville, NY
633. Robert C. Swartz Syracuse N. Y.
634. Lou Miceli, Syr. NY
635. Richard L Filippi Syracuse, NY 13215 636. Laurie R Marshall, Holland
Patent, NY 637. Joan Crookes, Ilion, NY
638 Debbie Donahue Mohawk NY
639. Patrick Donahue Mohawk NY
640 Walter Boyles Ilion NY
641 Jacqueline Boyles Ilion NY
642Debbue Webb Jefferson City, TN
643 Harrell Webb Jefferson City, TN
644 Robert Gibson Mooresville, NC
645 James S. Pope
646 Phillip Griffin
647 Jack Snow
648 Mel Kersey
649 Ron Reid, Kansas City, MO
650 Robert Reid, Chattanooga, TN
651 Ann Reid, Chattanooga, TN
652 Michael R. Kraus, Fostoria, OH
653 Richard A. Krieger
654 Phyllis J. Dehring - Ohio
655 Roger L. Dehring - Ohio
656 Pat Delcamp
657 Jim Delcamp
658 Norma Paugh - Fl.
659 Donald Paugh - Fl.
670 Opal Whitsit, FL.
671 Richard Whitsit, FL.
672 Mary Williams, IN
673 Les Williams, IN
674 John Cox, IN
675 Margaret Wagner, IN
676 Gloria Harris
677 C. A. Johnson
678.Brandie Wolowinski,IN
679 Inge Ogden,IN
680 William Ogden,IN
681 Liza Ogden,IN
682 Tony Fegley,IN
683 LONNIE ROGERS AZ
684 Ralph johnson IN
685 Michael Hays, IN
686 Robert Lindsey IN
687 Sondra Lindsey IN
688 Charlotte Shipley, San Diego,CA.
699. Linda Carothers CA
700. Edwin Carothers C
701.Anita Owens, Fl
702 Charles Owens, Fl
703 David Hunter Ga.
704 Linda Hunter ga
705 Norman Strickland,Sr. Ga.
706 Christine Strickland Ga.
707 Norman Strickland, jr. Ga.
708 Robin Strickland Ga.
709 Dobie Strickland Ga.
710 Tammy Strickland Ga.
711 Cecil McCollum SR,GA
712 Margie McCollum, GA
713 Charlie Ladd, S.C.
714. Libby Stafford - Loganville GA
715 John Prater - GA
716 Nancy Prater - GA
717 Wayne King - NC
718 Faye King - NC
719 Janice Cassidy - Statham, GA
720 Robert Cassidy - Statham, GA
721 Jamie Combs - Colbert, GA
722 Alan Combs - Colbert, GA
723.Shelby Moseley , Cumming, Ga.
724 Jo Freeman, GA
725 Betty Phillips
726 Millie Chitwood
727. Maxine Robinson, Atlanta, GA
728. Linda Squires, Orlando, FLA
729. Sarah Squires, Orlando, FL
730. Quinn Curtis, Orlando, FL
731.Craig Fournier, Lake Mary,Fl.
732. Amanda Wright, Savannah, NY
733. Joshua Curry
734. April Dillard
735. David Jackson
736. Becky Jackson
737. James Jackson
738. Kay Jackson
739. Glen Jackson Tn.
740. Sonya Jackson Tn.
741. James Roleson, Memphis, TN
742 Dennis Rockswold, Riverside, CA
743.Frank Hart Germany
744 Herbert P. Barnes, Reagan TN
745 Kathlene K. Barnes, Reagan TN
746 Hilda Fay Martinello, Scotts Hill TN
747 Joey Bobak Sardis TN
748 Terry Bobak Sardis TN
750 R.F."Dick" Kennedy
751 Antonie Kennedy
752 Matt Coulter
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Timothy Gallton